So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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