you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
