You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
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You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
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have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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