ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
