wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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