I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Randomize
