Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
