After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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