On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
