If i come over, it means nothing
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
