What did we do last night that was yellow?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
