Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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