My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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