UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
His nipple licking is glorious
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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