Don't you send me to vm
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
