I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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