Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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