im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
