Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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