You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
