I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
