She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I wish I only lived at night.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i think i have herpe
just one?
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
