I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
