I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
