Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
