the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
