It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We talked him into tasing himself.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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