im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
