I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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