First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
