It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
