I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
