He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
