remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
