we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
