so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
