im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
