This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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