I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
