She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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