I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
