girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
