the condom got lost in my hair
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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