The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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