She is in my trunk
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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