I will die if light touches me.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
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