id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
