You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
