My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
