dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize