A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
