the condom got lost in my hair
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
