ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
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When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
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You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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