i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
