Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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