Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
