your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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