my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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