if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
