First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
