yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
