he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
