I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
