We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
