Your tits are I can't wait for
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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