I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
