all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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