How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
