i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Someone came in the potted fern
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
