Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
